So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
