My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
