it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
