The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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