she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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