Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
