VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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