we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
