Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
