Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
please don't ironically join a cult
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