Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
