Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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