Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize