Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
