Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
