just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
