if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize