I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
