I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you win again, gameday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize