she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
