need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
