Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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