Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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