Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
