I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so fucking centered right now
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Randomize
