in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
