I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
