Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize