the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
