I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In other news, I just burned my penis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize