We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
