i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Say something about gay babies.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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