the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize