So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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