My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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