I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
