You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
