I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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