I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
