I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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