theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
