Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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