1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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