I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
