so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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