Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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