her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i was in the wii world.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
