this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
