Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
