i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
