the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
