Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
