I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
