Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
