First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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