I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
