I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
