the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
