the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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