I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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