You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
