in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
