my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
