was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
