Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
