hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
